i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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