this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
