he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We left an ass print on the piano.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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