can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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