Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
