are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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