You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
