hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
