did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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