so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
