She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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