i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
