watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize