you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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