Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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