if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
