My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
