well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
