My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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