This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
