i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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