i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
