I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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