I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
