I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
