sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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