I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
