So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
