maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
