why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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