im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
