this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
