i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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