hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
