I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
