nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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