is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
