I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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