he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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