It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
