he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
