after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
