vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
