no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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