You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
