Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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