the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
