Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
