btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
