No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my shit smells like andre
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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