mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize