It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
