On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize