Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
