This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
