I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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