but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
