I think im going to throw up on grandma
he shaved USA in his pubs
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
