I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
