Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize