I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
