I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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