We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
