the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
