shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
