So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
