im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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