Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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