No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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