So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize