We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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