This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize