Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
