YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
