Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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