My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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