I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
