I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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