I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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