puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
